Difference Between Anger and Madness
by Kitty-on-CRACK
Summary: What happens when Bruce Banner and Madison "Mad" Murdock meet? Mad is my female version of Matt. Why genderbend? Some characters I just wish were different genders.
1. Calm Before a Storm

**Calm before a Storm**

It was something, fate, destiny, happenstance, a series of unfortunate events, but whatever it was made Bruce bump into someone as he was walking to the front of the store, nose in an excellent book, while holding a hot cup of tea.

The tea sloshed over the side of the now destroyed paper cup and onto whomever the poor victim he ran into as the person stopped in surprise. Bruce hurriedly tried to apologize as he dropped to the floor to pick up the mess he made.

"It's fine, sorry, I guess neither of us were looking where we were going," a rather soothing, feminine voice tried to appease Bruce.

Bruce finally decided to pay attention to the woman who he ran into. He looked up slowly, eyes landing on a pair if dress shoes, dress pants, a white cane...cane? With bright red at the base. He felt his throat constrict in panic as he realized the meaning. He let his gaze lift and awkwardly smiled at the narcissistic smirk and caught sight of faded hazel eyes behind black-out shades.

He hastily stood and wrung his hands together as he apologized once again, "I'm sorry-?"

"Mad, Mad Murdock."


	2. Irrational

**Irrational**

 **A/N: Timeline…I guess I'm having this happen around Thor 2 and Winter Soldier?**

Bruce had been convinced after Betty spied on him for Ross he wouldn't find a woman to enjoy his time with besides a professional setting the way he and Dr Foster or Pepper could talk... but after getting to know Madison Murdock over several cups of coffee and tea while discussing literature Bruce was sure he was in danger of feeling things he shouldn't be. After all, Madison Murdock wasn't the kind of woman to allow Bruce a pity party of loneliness. Madison Murdock was the kind to hit him in the shins with her cane and tell him to face the world with his middle finger in the air and an eloquent speech on his lips...Bruce truly feared the day Mad and Tony met. He felt New York wouldn't be the same again and that Tony might use her to sue Fury out of spite and boredom and he's sure she would take it on just for laughs.

"Spaced out again are we?" Mad asked, smiling as she reached for the creamer as Bruce waited for his tea.

"Sorry, sorry." Bruce said with a nervous laugh, "I just have a sense of foreboding."

Madison's eyebrow rose as her trademark smirk took over her face, "Oh really now? Do tell, I'll even keep it off the official record." She joked, referring to Bruce asking her if she was one of those lawyers who was worse than a reporter.

"I was just imagining if you and my friend Tony met. You both would cause too much trouble." He said, before thanking the barista and grabbing his tea.

Mad laughed and shook her head, "Well, if he pranks people as much as you say I might understand why you live in fear."

"It's more so than I said," Bruce said with a furrowed brow before snorting once he comprehended what she said "of course I live in fear."

Mad grinned, making Bruce smile softly. One of the things that made him feel at home around Madison Murdock was her smile and all of its variations. However, his favorite was the one currently on her face. It was open and easy going… and most of all honest.

Bruce had seen the way her clients acted around her. He had already met her new secretary, one Karen Page who apparently was her and Foggy, who he had yet to meet. Nelson's first client after they had opened their practice. Karen was bubbly and bright, something Madison was not. Mad was friendly but reserved and it took her a while to open up. She was laid back but always had an awareness around her Bruce was sure due to the fact she had grown up blind in Hell's Kitchen of all places.

Mad moved with ease and comfort in her own skin and had confidence in her movements, something Bruce had never had, even before the Hulk. It was eerie how often Bruce flat out forgot she was blind, such as her getting up and heading straight to the bathroom without hesitance in stride. However, he would then be reminded rather harshly moments later if he put something down on the table slightly out of place she would reach for and frown when she couldn't immediately find it, slowly guiding her hand over the table wearily, so that she wouldn't knock anything over. It was the small moments like that which would make Bruce flinch at his envy of a blind person and bring him out of his pity-party reminding him in many ways he was better off than others in some aspects.

Whenever Mad would hear the falter in Bruce's voice or breath during these moments of realization she would arch her eyebrow at him , throw a snarky comment his way, and make grabby hands for the item she wanted, making him chuckle before handing it to here. She had a way of pulling him out of his "funks" the same way Tony did, but without threatening her safety, not that she even knew about his…condition.

Bruce knew that he wouldn't be able to keep meeting her for their bi-weekly coffee breaks without telling her but he wanted to be selfish. He knew after he told her she would shy away from him. She would have heard the worst parts about him; not that seeing the damage he had done would exactly help her image of him. Bruce knew he would have to tell her soon or leave again, but he would rather her get to know him as Bruce Banner, scientist and tea drinker rather than a crazy anger management issue filled monster that no therapy would cure. So he kept silent on the matter, no matter how irrational.

 **Afterthought A/N: So I haven't written a fic where the POVS tend to rotate in a while but I feel like every few chapters or so I'll be alternating the character perspectives so we can get to know them and the development of the relationship through each other. Just giving a heads up because I know some people cannot read stories like that.  
**


	3. Ashamed

**Ashamed**

Bruce was relatively relaxed as he entered the tower's common area, in search of food. He was on week 6 of his and Madison's traditional coffee…meet ups for whenever they've been stressed or just in need of adult conversation that didn't revolve around work. Today had been especially pleasant for Bruce, but he had worried when Mad had come in with ripped up knuckles and a busted lip. She sheepishly admitted to Bruce, after he asked her if she was okay, that her latest case was making her more tense than she would like to admit and that she had been taking her aggression out on punching bags and in the ring at the gym her father had once trained and fought at. Knowing that Mad liked to move when she was antsy about something Bruce had offered her a walk in the park, which after getting their drinks to go they did just that.

Mad, in order to successfully be able to drink and focus on where she was simultaneously, had accepted Bruce's offer of his arm during their walk, her cane retracted and tucked into a side pocket of her briefcase as they leisurely strolled through central park. With Steve and Natasha who besides Fury knows where, Bruce didn't have to worry about the super soldier literally running into them or Natasha taking an interest in where he disappeared to. Clint doesn't care enough on his days off to do anything rather than crawling through the vents, Tony, while brilliant, didn't notice patterns of other people's schedule… at least that's what Bruce thought until…

"How was your date?"

He jumped and hit his head on the top of the fridge, grimacing he checked the tender spot on his forehead as he side eyed Tony, "What?"

Tony looked smug, "According to Jarvis you've been going out at least two times a week and coming back in a good mood."

Ah. Jarvis. That explained it.

"Yes, and?"

Tony grinned, "So who's the lucky lady? I would know but Jarvis told Pep that I wanted to dig into your private life and relationships and she spouted off something about not being rude and letting you tell me when you're ready but I want to know," he ended his requested with a drawn out whine, making his eyes impossibly large. For a grown man who had sacrificed himself to save the world, he had the puppy dog eyes down to an art the same way a cliché valley girl did. Moments like this were the prime reason that many a time Bruce would wonder to himself if Tony would ever grow up.

Bruce looked down though once Tony's request registered and started fiddling with the bottle of grapefruit juice he had grabbed from the fridge. He could feel his ears turning red, "I… don't know if it's such a good idea to tell you."

"But why?" Tony begged, the whine turning even longer than before.

Bruce stayed quiet for a moment. His actions were a slap in the face to both Tony, who told him to strut his stuff, and Mad, who told him with confidence that he was a good man.

"Because she doesn't know what I really am."

Tony blinked, "Oh, so she doesn't know you're a super hero?"

Bruce glared, "You know what I mean."

Tony sighed and walked over to the cabinets before pulling out two glasses and sliding them over to Bruce before disappearing into the walk in pantry and pulling out a case of almonds before coming back to where Bruce was sitting.

"So, why have you not told her yet? Is it because you think she'll look at you differently and treat you differently or that she'd run? Because truth be told if she changes the way she treats you because she hears about Hulkie-poo she never really cared about you in the first place."

Bruce wanted to scream out that Madison wasn't like that as he felt the glass crack in his hand. He fought to control his temper, cutting into his palm the grapefruit juice made it sting and though it pissed him off more, the small sting made him take a deep breath before he realized Tony hadn't moved away from him.

"Bruce, if you like her so much just tell her who you are so you can know now when you tell her in your own words rather than let her find out from someone else or witnesses you change because of a random attack. You fear you have no control over him, but he's nice. You just have to communicate with him but I digress. You say you have no control but you do, you can control how people know."

Bruce slumped against the counter as Tony inspected his hand for glass, "How do I tell her I'm a fraud?"

"You're not a fraud." Tony said, letting go of his hand once he was satisfied there wasn't any glass before digging through different kitchen drawers for some super glue before holding it up in triumph and tossing it towards Bruce as his phone started ringing, "I gotta take this . Think about it."

Bruce slowly covered the cut. They kept superglue all over the tower for Bruce, it was one of the few requests he had for Tony when he moved in. Fear that his blood would kill someone was a crippling.

As much as he wanted to tell her, he knew that no matter how she reacted, he would always be ashamed.


	4. Faith

**Faith**

Bruce came out of his meditation when he felt a small vibration on his thigh. He normally wouldn't keep his phone on him while meditating but lately he's kept it close to him since Mad had been swamped at work lately and they hadn't been able to meet up in nearly a month. He still hadn't told her about his… anger issues.

He felt Hulk shift sulkily in his mind as he checked his phone, then perk up as he, and by extension Hulk, realized it was Madison. That's strange, she never texted him before. True she was capable of it but preferred phone calls because they were quicker and voice texting was faulty. Once he clicked on it though he realized it wasn't a text, it was an audio message.

"Bruce! I'm sorry I couldn't call; work has been hectic at best. We should be done tonight though and Foggy wants me to invite you to the bar we celebrate or bemoan at around eight tonight? At Josie's bar in Hell's Kitchen, just text a response."

Bruce felt all the calm his meditation had provided fly out the window and his hands went clammy, heart rate rising just enough for Jarvis to step in…in manner of speaking.

"Doctor Banner, are you under distress? Should I call Sir?"

Bruce shook himself mentally and took a deep breath, "No, just let him know I'm coming to talk to him. I'm assuming he's in the lab?"

"Yes, he is."

"Then just warn him about my coming Jarvis."

"Of course."

Bruce approached the elevator that was only to his and Tony's labs. Tony was insistent that they have a private elevator that only the two of them and whoever Jarvis deemed it necessary for to use. If someone was in a rush to discuss something and didn't want to use video call to do so they could just pop up in the other's lab quick as possible. Admittedly, Tony used it far more to visit Bruce and usually not when he had fallen down the rabbit hole of scientific thought, but rather the snail trail of boredom. Many times Bruce had been unpleasantly jerked from his own fall with various things thrown at him, ranging from paperclips to water balloons. Stress free environment it wasn't, but it was nice to have someone so relaxed around him who also knew Bruce's limits better than even Bruce knew.

He was soon in Tony's workshop, for once when Tony wasn't totally absorbed in creating but rather staring intently at Bruce, an excited smile on his face.

"So Jarvis said you needed to see me and when I asked about what he wouldn't say. It's a date, isn't it? I knew it! You like this girl a lot, well, where are you taking her? Spill, spill!"

Bruce nervously paced, running his hands through his hair, "She wants me to meet her friends… specifically her version of Rhodey tonight after work."

Tony grinned, "She must really like you, huh?"

"The problem is-" Bruce hesitated, hoping Tony would hear the implications, "the bar is in Hell's Kitchen."

Tony's eyebrows went up, "Do you think mean and green is gonna make an appearance? If you take a cab to you can avoid contact with a lot of people until the bar itself, and if your girl likes the place it should be a fairly normal place and not run by gangs? You'll be fine, here." Tony chunked a watch at him.

"The new Starkwatch with a few minor adjustments. If your heartbeat gets over 130 I'll get a notification, as well as Jarvis, if it goes over 140, we'll call you and see how comfortable you are. If it gets close to 160 or over I will be there ASAP, if it hits 175, well, were going to clear the bar out, but I know you and your hippie techniques work so you should be good. Oh!" Tony rummaged around in one of his drawers before pulling out a little bottle of what looked like Advil liquids…but Hulk green?

"I've been messing around with ideas for our medical side of SI with developing CBD tablets with nano tech to help with anxiety, panic attacks, and PTSD victims for holidays like New Years or the Fourth. These just have a bit of an extra kick for you to help if you feel like you need it. I wouldn't bother though, seems like if the Hulk even did decide to come out and have a play date he would just coo over your mystery girl."

Bruce rolled his eyes, as right as Tony was he didn't need to word it that way. "Ton-"

"Just have faith big guy. I got your back" Tony clapped him on the shoulder before shooing him out to go get dressed, specifically in the purple shirt and dark jeans or black pants because he looked the most like Bruce in it other than his oversized sweat shirts and sweater vests.

Bruce slunk back to his room and looked at his phone before forcing himself to type out an affirmative before breathing deeply as he went to hunt through the ghastly amount of clothes Tony insisted on buying him for his favorite button down shirt as he gave himself as good a pep talk as he could, reiterating Tony's words to himself : Just have faith.


End file.
